i <3 robbie

roomba Jen + Robbie 4ever

I can no longer remember what life was like before I met Robbie.  I knew it was true love when he went beneath the sofa. My ex-vacuum never did that.

Robbie is a Roomba 550 that we purchased at Costco a few weeks ago. Our house has never (please, allow me to emphasize – NEVER) been so clean. After two sessions in each of our hardwood covered front rooms – living room, dining room, and kitchen – all of the kitten fur tumbleweeds were gone!

Now Robbie goes about his business sweeping each room (lighthouses are brilliant!) after we leave for work. He kindly returns to his home base and recharges until his next scheduled session.
i, robot
I cannot express how completely and totally thrilled I am with my new love.

Thank you, iRobot, for giving me some extra time to spend with the original I, Robot.

putting the FAT in Fat Tuesday

Well my intense training has paid off. Starting before Christmas, I’ve been eating everything in sight so that I could be as fluffy as possible on the big day. One of the few times that I not only achieved my goal, but actually surpassed it. All of my pants are tight. Go me.  Bon Mardi Gras!

Dying to know how I did it? Ready to embark on your own journey to chubbiness?

Cue the “Rocky” theme music.

mac-n-cheeseTraining began in early December with the subtly delicious “Death by Mac-N-Cheese“. Loaded with a full stick of butter, close to 2 pounds of cheese, and topped with Tater-Tots, this mac-n-cheese was a quick start to weight gain. Puts a whole new spin on the idea of 30 minute abs…

omelet cut

Of course I didn’t forget the most important meal of the day. No gain weight fast program worth its salt would skip breakfast. This 24-hour omelet was made a day ahead. The morning of this anti-workout, I simply woke up, walked slowly (expending as few calories as possible) to the kitchen, and popped the omelet in the oven. I laid down right on the kitchen floor (alternately, feel free to return to bed, whichever is more comfortable) while waiting for the ding of the kitchen timer.

candy canesStep 3 in the 2 month plan to a new wardrobe was the chocolate dipped peppermints. With its kid friendly construction and bite sized portions, it hardly felt like eating!
comfort food

My personal favorite exercise was Mother’s Sandwiches. Hot out of the oven, dripping melted cheese, and served on aluminum foil, this is an advanced weight gain technique. (Pace yourself. You can do it!)

superbowl cupcakesheart cupcakesAlways an advocate of maintaining a well-balanced diet, I didn’t forget to include a healthy dose of sugary goodness. The cupcake phase of the program added much needed whimsy and a sugar high to keep my thighs growing in the right direction.

As with any high intensity training program, increasing your fluid intake is critical. Should you choose to embark on your own weight gain plan, be sure to include at least one of the following every day. You know I sure did.

red wine  champagne  beer  white wine

Gonna fly now…

victory is sweet…the loser was tasty too

1. Superbowl Monday should be a federal holiday.

2. Whichever presidential candidate promises to make Superbowl Monday a federal holiday will get my vote.

3. I like cupcakes.

4. My husband is a genius (sometimes).

superbowl cupcakes  superbowl cupcakes  superbowl cupcakes  superbowl cupcakes

Sunday, 7AM:

j: Yawn.

b: Are we taking anything to the superbowl party?

j: I was thinking cupcakes.*

b: [snigger] We could decorate them for everyone’s favorite team.

j: Really? Using fondant and white chocolate? What flavors? How many colors will we need? Can you get the cake decorating kit** down for me?

From such innocent beginings an entire Sunday was lost. Nevermind that he had an abstract due. Nevermind that the living room is literally destroyed – walls half torn down, wires dangling, paint swatches all over the place. Nevermind the enormous pile of clean (well, maybe not anymore), unfolded laundry on the bed. Let’s bake cupcakes! And while we’re at it let’s make corn tortillas and Cuban pulled pork.

Aside: the pork was fantastic and the home made tortillas rocked!

I used the coconut raspberry sour cream and the mocha mud cupcake recipes and the cream cheese frosting recipe from Cupcakes by Pamela Clark and B piped team logos with melted white chocolate and cut out dyed fondant shapes. 8 hours later we were ready for some football.

Were 38 cupcakes too much for 6 adults and 2 kids? Nah. Was it really necessary to drink jello shots every time someone scored and sometimes when no one scored? Sure. Do I really have to go to work today? Ugh.

Hope your day was as super as ours…

heart cupcakes*So. I got a cupcake tower one week ago. It holds 38 treats. How cool is that? I’ve already filled it twice. These were on it the first time.

**Yes, I have a cake decorating kit. Doesn’t everyone? Mine is a rubbermaid bin full of pastry bags and tips and fondant tools and food colorings and such. It lives on a very high shelf, which I can access only by standing on the stove. B can just reach it like a normal person.